Make it stop, is all I can think when I look at Sasha. Make the time stop going by so fast. I am gripping on tight to that little delicious newborn baby I can still smell.
A post I did when she was only three months old as I was getting into the swing of a new lifestyle with a new baby!
This was her first day of Preschool in 2015, which feels like it was ten years ago!
I can hardly believe my little girl is going to be five years old in October! I promised myself when I was pregnant that I would NOT allow her to grow up so quickly and that I would take each day slowly. Somehow, things didn’t turn out like I planned. I feel like her first four years were a blur. Some days I look at her in complete awe and wonder how I created (with Mario, of course) such an incredibly vibrant witty, intelligent little girl.
This morning on our way to school, yes school (WAH!), I was thinking about how we only played classical lullabies from the time she was born until she was two years old every damn morning noon and night. Once she showed her personality and smiles, I introduced her to toddler music such as Mother Goose Club and other toddler favorites. Fast forward to now where she is singing word for word in the car to Drake’s ” In my feelings”, singing “Kiki, do you love me” like she is some backup singer for him! Make it stop, is all I can think in my head, just make it stop. Oh, I’m not referring to the music, although sometimes I wish that would stop too (her selections are so repetitive), I was referring to time.
I have gotten lost in her since I became pregnant. I changed. Somehow I shifted my priorities to make sure NO MATTER WHAT, SHE would come first. NOTHING else matters. I have done that, and continue to do so. My marriage has taken a back seat, I myself have taken a backseat. I know to most people, it may look as though I still make myself a priority, but truth be told, there are things I still need to work on personally and in my marriage.
I noticed by the end of the summer that it was time to cut the cord this summer with my attachment to Sasha. I felt as if I was underwater and couldn’t come up for air. I felt suffocated. She KNEW the world revolved around her because I allowed it to. In almost five years of her life, Mario and I maybe went on three dates. THREE DATES, that is pathetic. There were days I’d go without taking a shower, I skipped meals, I blew off doctors appointments and social life? What does that even mean?
My days were consumed with Sasha and whatever her heart desired. I was trying so hard to be the best mama. I wanted everyone to know that this time, I would get it right, because when I raised my older kids, I had my head up my ass, no really! Young and dumb is what you call that and someday I will write a book on why you should NEVER get pregnant and have a baby when you are nineteen!
Cutting the cord means allowing Sasha to grow up at her own pace, except that is this how life goes and to just savor each moment with her, whether we are playing in her playroom, reading books together or just snuggled on the couch together. This is life.
This is a big year for her and me. She will be in a new school every day from 8:00-3:00. It’s a big adjustment especially because I feel as if I have been on a five-year vacation. Waking up leisurely every morning and having breakfast together that would sometimes last about two hours, to planning beach days, pools days and whatever else we felt like doing without a schedule. Our routine is something I was scared of when I thought about it back in August. Making lunch every night, making sure her uniforms were clean, breakfast had to be quick easy and healthy. What would the traffic be like in the morning? What if my alarm doesn’t go off. The anxiety was back in full swing! I felt so much pressure on myself to not screw up. I can’t be THAT mom. Oh and about being THAT mom, have you read “Girl Wash Your Face”? I got the audible and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! It is slowly transforming my brain in so many ways and how to let some things go and how to become a beast about your goals dreams and desires!
Thank the Lord above (I think the Lord just maybe a woman) because the past two weeks have been smooth. Sasha’s first week consisted of half days and uniforms only. I would drop her at 8:00 and pick her up by 12:00. Each night I prepped her lunch and one snack. In the next few posts, I will share with you what goes into her lunchbox. This week, starting Monday, she had her first full day. While I had some delusional thought that the day would drag, and I would watch the seconds go by, it was 3:00 with the blink of an eye and all I could think was, “wait, I need one more hour!” Really? Is this how the rest of my life is going to go?
Do you ever feel the same?
In addition to her new school and new schedule, I was nominated to be class mom, thankfully not on my own. I will share this responsibility with another mom! More on that in another post!
I’ll leave you with this pic of us twining in our Lilly Pulitzer matching clothes! Yes, I’m that mom. If it makes her happy, I’ll do it!